“Thinking is easy, acting is difficult, and to put one's thoughts into action is the most difficult thing in the world.”
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
It's funny how little things can really help you think. I just turned off our desktop PC because the fan was being WAY too loud. Once it was off, I could actually hear myself thing again. It was like taking a torn out of your foot.
I have been up all night and I just can't seem to find my voice. I want to write something but I can't get my thoughts from my head into words. The first problem is I don't have anything to really talk about, so I just end up going on and on about nothing.
I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I actually did get some things done this week. I got my car payment situation fixed for now. It was gonna be hard to keep paying a huge monthly car payment without a job, but I got it worked out. I also applied to several jobs so that I can at least stay qualified for unemployment if I can win my claim next week. All I have to do prove is that I'm not responsible for getting myself fired. I actually have a good case.
But I could have done a lot more. I'm not sure what, but for one I could have done a lot more writing. I've thought about working on some short stories I have going, but that is leading nowhere fast.
One thing I have done in lieu of actual action is watch a lot of news. I have been really bogged down with the news of the last few weeks. I mean, from Ft. Hood to health care, and from 10%+ unemployment to off-year elections we have all been lucky to move day-to-day without going crazy. Now throw in losing your job, having your 26th birthday and taking your mother in for eye surgery. I have not been focused on the bigger picture. I've been worried about applying to enough jobs to quality for my unemployment while trying to figure out how I'm going to help my mom out now that I'm costing her money instead of making money.
That doesn't mean, however, I haven't been thinking about the big picture, but I feel like I've been so deep in the trenches of politics I haven't been fighting the battles that really need to fought. I have done what most liberals do: I have given into the conservative attack of the moment. Be it health care, Fox News, or the economic stimulus, I have let them define the debate. And doing that, we lose.
While we might be able to save this debate and win, I think the best we can do now is push to the end and pass health care. Then maybe we can get our footing and do everything else we need to do.
Until then, I'm going to read some more. Maybe then I will get my voice back. And have something to say.